I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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