Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
