hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
