I can tuck mytits in my pants
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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