i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
