so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
