I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
