I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
