it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
