He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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