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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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