I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize