he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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