i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
