I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
