Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
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