I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
