i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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