A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
This is the prime rib incident all over again
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
