So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
