Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
