I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
