What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
