I think I died a long time ago.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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