Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
