what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
