Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize