she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
