oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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