...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
