Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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