Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
