when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
