My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
