Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
