she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
