so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
