i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
