I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
So vagazzling was a success
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
