take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize