My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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