Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
