she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
