it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
