i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
