Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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