It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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