youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize