oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We talked him into tasing himself.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
