Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize