Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
