Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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