I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
