we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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