I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
