I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize