I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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