My liver just broke up with me...
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
