Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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