So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It's blow job season.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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