I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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