Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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