i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
