There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
