If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
