Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
