you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
