Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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