i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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