guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
