my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
