ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
