I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
