You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
