remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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