Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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