I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
