You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
