Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
