He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
