Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
