that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
