i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
