I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Randomize
