I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
