Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
