I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
