she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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