38 yer olds are good kisserssss
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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