She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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