Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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